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The Monday Musing - Everything you need to know about the new iPhone announcement

By , on September 11, 2017
Last modified 9 months, 1 week ago

It's that time of the year again. A new iPhone is coming out. Or like three new iPhones. Maybe a hundred? I don't know for sure, because Apple hasn't actually announced anything yet. And it likes to play its cards reasonably close to its chest.

Still, what's the internet for if not wild speculation? Facts? Hah. I laugh in the face of your facts. Or I would do if there were any. Everything's made up nowadays anyway, or so I'm lead to believe. Plus it's Monday, so it's time for a muse.

Here's some stuff we think we know about what Apple is going to be announcing later this week. Some of it might be true, some of it might not be true. Right now it's Schroedinger's true, and we won't know what's real until we open the box and see if Jony Ive drank that poison.

Death to bezels

It looks like the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8S are going to be doing away with bezels. Bezels are what nerds call the edge of the screen. It'll give you a full screen experience, which everyone seems to be very excited about at the moment and I don't really understand. But then I guess these phone manufacturers need to do something to make us buy new things.

Probability: High

iPhone X

That's not me giving a kiss to the iPhone. Apparently alongside the premium iPhone 8 and 8S, we're also going to get the X. It's going to be what I'm going to call super premium. In that it will cost $1000. That's more dollars than I can even understand. Why would you spend that much on a phone? You could buy a cheap car and go somewhere nice instead.

Probability: High-ish

iOS 11

Well, I mean we all know this is coming. It's bringing about the death of a bunch of apps that won't run on 64bit framework as well. So that's bad if you love 32bit things. Like the Sega Saturn. IOS 11 is going to start rolling out this month, so keep your beady eyes open for that to come along and destroy your game collection.

Probability: Definite-a-mundo

More AR stuff

I don't know what form this is going to take, but it's definitely happening. The AR kit is out there with developers. I might have even seen some stuff running on it, BUT I WILL NEVER TELL. Whether AR is going to be implemented directly into the phone is unclear, but I for one would love to hold up my camera and learn all the information I can about a stranger. Sort of like Robocop buyt with stalking.

Probability: Yeah, something, maybe?

Prices prices pra-zices

Too much.

Probability: Certain