Why Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp might be the perfect game to get you through this holiday season

By , on November 21, 2017
Last modified 4 years, 8 months ago

It's getting towards the end of the year, and that can only mean one thing - we're about to be engulfed by a series of holidays. Oh, and it might snow in the northern hemisphere as well. Probably not though, what with global warming and all.

Anyway, Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp has just landed on the App Store. Sure, it might be a bit early, and someone has forgotten to turn the servers on, but that got me thinking. Is Animal Crossing the perfect mobile game to tide you through the dark winter nights and awful meetings with aunts and uncles you barely even remember?

There's really only one thing for it. I'm going to have to create a piece of content to address that very question. You can click on the emboldened name of the game below to download it from the App Store. Just bear in mind that it might not actually work until Wednesday.

Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp

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The real world is awful

I'm not joking about here. Modern life is absolute garbage. Seriously, it's just work or school, then bland food, memes, and eventually death. There are very few primary colours, hardly any of your friends are anthropomorphic animals, and I bet you can't even remember the last time you experienced anything even close to joy.

The world of Animal Crossing is just better than real life. Everything is bright and nice and lovely and people take care of each other there. Everyone is always smiling, and complimenting you on your endeavours. In the real world you take a project to the higher-ups and they tell you you've wasted your time. Well no thank you.

Smiling hurts my face

I can't smile all of the time. Hell, I often go days without having anything even close to human contact. I once spoke out loud to a lady at the supermarket checkout and I was surprised by my own voice because I'd forgotten what it sounded like.

But Animal Crossing lets you smile all of the time. Everyone is always happy to see you, no one is mean, and if you're feeling low you can just pop out and see their bright cheery faces and everything is fine and happy again. But without the increasing agony of contorting my facial muscles into something that resembles an axe wound in a four day old chicken carcass.

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You can get loads of stuff

I bet one of your biggest worries in life is that you don't have enough stuff. Maybe your TV is a few years old and all of your friends pick on you because it doesn't have enough pixels. Maybe you don't have a car, and you've got holes in your shoes, and every time it rains you end up standing in puddles and ruining another pair of socks.

Well the whole point of Animal Crossing is getting stuff. Get some nice stuff, put it in a nice place, and then be happy because everything is lovely and nice. No surly delivery drivers, no accidentally dropping your new phone down the toilet because it shocked you so much when someone actually called you on it. Nice nice nice nice.

It's free

Nothing in life is free. Even things that are free actually cost you pain and time and some of your lifeforce. You're being forever dragged over a barcode scanner that's reading your worth and then telling everyone that you're a no good piece of trash that shouldn't be given the time of day. I mean, that might just be me.

Either way, Animal Crossing won't cost you anything to download. And that means you get all those shiny colours, all of that stuff, and all of that smiling, without having to sell one of your kidneys. Unless you get painfully addicted to it and have to sell one of your kidneys to pay off a loan shark because you needed money for IAPs.

I think the moral of the story is, don't sell your kidneys.

If you'd like to read something slightly less silly about Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, click here to read our guide with everything you need to know.