The Switch is so close I can almost taste its plasticy cartridges. Although apparently they taste horrid, so maybe don't stick them in your mouth (addendum: WHY ARE PEOPLE STICKING SWITCH CARTRIDGES IN THEIR GOBS!?!).
Anyway, since the Switch is a new handheld game console, I was wondering whether it had the chops to replace your iPhone as the go-to on-the-go gaming system. And there's really only one way to figure that out.
Obviously it's with a word fight. A word fight in list form. This list should be considered in no way scientific, and probably slightly biased. But the winner is the definitive portable system, and if you want to argue you're wrong. But you can do it in the comments below if you must.
Portability
Well, the iPhone is always going to win this one. It's a phone, it's designed to fit comfortably in your pocket. The Switch's carry-about mode might be small, but it's got buttons. And you're going to have to carry your phone about with you as well, so you can tell your mam when you're going to be home for tea.
Winner: iPhone
Games
Hmmmmmm. The Switch has some impressive looking exclusives. It also has some dross, as you'd expect from a Nintendo console. The iPhone definitely edges it in terms of “games you'd never want to look at, let alone play,” though. Obviously the App Store has a much larger library of games. But the Switch has Breath of the Wild.
Plus, the Switch is designed for games. Like, that's the point of it. On the iPhone they're a bit of an afterthought. And touchscreen controls versus a dedicated controller? Yeah, fair enough.
Winner: Switch
Multiplayer
Nnnnnnnng. Switch has to get this one as well. With its teeny tiny controllers, and the fact it's sort of designed to be shared, it's just a better multiplayer choice. And while you'll probably need to use data to play with other people on your phone, you'll just need actual physical friends to do it on the Switch.
Winner: Switch
Price
So here's the thing. The Switch might be cheaper, but the games are going to cost you 50 bucks. And you're still going to need to buy a phone, otherwise your mam will just be sat with a cooling pan of beans wondering if you're ever going to come home again. But iPhones are horrifically expensive as well. Er...
Winner: Draw
Battery life
If you're just using your phone for games, then it's probably a draw. But you're not just going to be using your phone for games. You're going to be snapchatting your mum to show her where you are so she knows when she puts the beans on. It'll still probably last longer than the Switch though. Oh this is a tough one.
Winner: iPhone (just)
Overall
Well then, let's tot up the scores. So that one won that, the other one won that, then carry the one and... Oh. It's a draw. Sort of. I guess the question here is what do you want the device for? I can't see the Switch replacing all the phones I see when I'm on trains - people diving into Candy Crush while travelling back to the beans their mum is heating up for them.
But if you're a hardcore player, well the Switch is probably the best option then. So long as you don't mind lugging around another gadget. After all, your mum is going to be fraught if she ends up chucking another tin of beans in the bin because you took out your Switch and not your phone.
Winner: Beans. No, wait, I mean it's a draw
